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祝我生日快乐吧 没有人就来这了 快乐你就不孤单
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那年夏天，和男朋友去海边玩。<br/>他躺在沙滩上，我用沙子把他身体一点一点的埋上，只露出头来。旁边有个穿比基尼的大胸美女，男友直勾勾的盯着美女胸前一晃一晃的大白兔出神。<br/>这时，男友裆 部竟一耸一耸的顶起一小沙堆，欲破土而出......
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<span class="cmt-name">(糗名昭著)~小翔</span>
<span class="main-text">：小蚯蚓要钻出来了！</span>
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小时候，我和弟弟吃西瓜狼吞虎咽的，我妈就吓我们说 : “吞了西瓜籽，将来头顶会长西瓜！”吓的我马上小心翼翼起来......弟弟听了，瞒着我妈偷偷咽了一个荔枝核，兴奋的附我耳边说 : “姐姐，将来我请你吃荔枝！”
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<span id="pos-score-117991934" class="laugh-comment" data-votes="2578">2578 好笑</span>
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<span class="cmt-name">(糗名昭著)~小翔</span>
<span class="main-text">：看来，射嘴里也不安全了</span>
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<span class="touch-user-name-a">皇朝~~墨染</span>
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以前有个傻子，充话费冲错了，冲到我手机号了。<br/>给我打电话求我冲回去，我想无功不受禄，就答应冲回去了。<br/>结果充话费的过程，我也冲错了…
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<span class="cmt-name">奉天承運皇帝诏曰</span>
<span class="main-text">：第一句就写错了，应该是 以前有俩傻子。。。</span>
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表哥和表嫂吵架了，原因是表哥要把宝马车给他哥们接 亲 用，表嫂要把车借给她同学结 婚 用，而且都是同一天！<br/>俩人谁也不让谁，吵到最 凶的时候，表哥的哥们打来电话才知道，新娘就是表嫂的同学。。。
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<span class="cmt-name">胖香</span>
<span class="main-text">：把表哥的宝马车借给楼主用用，，180斤的富婆诚招男朋友，，[奸笑][奸笑][奸笑]</span>
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<div><span>可能是糗百第一个破十万赞的糗事！</span></div>
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小时候，一次偷了家里两块钱买吃的，在小卖部被我爸碰个正着。一顿暴揍后，老爸问我 : “钱都锁在抽屉里，你怎么偷的？”我只好如实回答 : “我看见妈妈把钥匙藏在皮箱子底下。”<br/>第二天，我妈对我又是一顿胖揍 : “胆子越来越肥了啊，敢一次偷十二块？！”
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<span id="pos-score-117991932" class="laugh-comment" data-votes="2003">2003 好笑</span>
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<span class="cmt-name">杉有木兮</span>
<span class="main-text">：从那以后，抽屉里再也没有过零钱…</span>
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二伯是个已退休的老教师。今天，二伯的大孙子放学回来哭诉 : 我同桌上课睡觉，老师对准同桌一个粉笔头镖了下来，结果砸我头上......<br/>二伯听了，一声叹息 : “唉！现在的年轻老师太不像话了！手法咋这么差？”
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<span id="pos-score-117991933" class="laugh-comment" data-votes="1922">1922 好笑</span>
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<span class="cmt-name">墨海烟云</span>
<span class="main-text">：现在的老师太不知道珍惜，居然拿粉笔头砸学生，浪费可耻！回忆当年我睡觉时，老师都是直接脱鞋扔过来！</span>
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<div><span>现实中的长发公主</span></div>
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<span class="main-text">：这个女的我给十分，不怕骄傲</span>
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<span class="touch-user-name-a"><糗犯监狱>～…</span>
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前些年，我因脖子上长了一个脂肪粒。人生第一次走上了手术台。当我走进手术室的时候，看到的是六七个医生齐刷刷的站在手术台前。吓得我扭头就跑！结果被迎面进来的医生拽了回来，他说:“勇敢点！这是个很小的手术！”尼玛！他是对那六七个实习生说的！依稀记得，当时的我，没打麻药就晕过去了！！！
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<span id="pos-score-117991845" class="laugh-comment" data-votes="1795">1795 好笑</span>
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<span class="cmt-name">胖香</span>
<span class="main-text">：六七个实习生，孔武有力，按腿的，按胳膊的分配到位，配合默契，楼主无助的躺在床上，任泪水肆意流淌，，</span>
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怎样证明老婆是威猛的<br/>和老婆打架，怕她揍我，我也舍不得真打她，抓住她的手束缚，她想挣脱束缚，俩个人在那拼命地摇！<br/>摇的我一身的虚汗，再也抽不出一丝力气，虚脱的躺到了地上<br/>而她还能弯下腰 把我抱起来 扔到床上！
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<span class="main-text">：夫妻之道贵在忍，琴瑟相和感情深。夫妻之道贵在真，袒露心声不较真。夫妻之道贵在信，情真意切心无痕。夫妻之道贵在忠，言行举止沐儿孙。夫妻之道贵在人，相扶到老不离分。</span>
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去学校后面租小黄 碟，租好夹在衣服下准备走人时，心仪已久的班花刚好走了进来，看到我在，要我介绍几张好看的碟给她。<br/>这种事当然是义不容辞，我正伸手去架子上找时，身上的小黄 碟“哗啦”一下掉了出来，我想去挡已经来不及了……<br/>班花看了一眼地上的碟 片，惊喜的说：对对对，我就要这种……
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<span class="cmt-name">巫女～<素素></span>
<span class="main-text">：特么我就不说那个班花是我，放出来的根本不是小电影，明明就是灰太狼</span>
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男友昨晚喝醉归来，我发现他钱包、手机都不见了。问他哪去了？他豪气的说 : “我兄弟有难，给他江湖救急了！”<br/>男友早上醒来，一拍大腿就骂 : “玛德！昨晚路上是遇到打劫的了，枉我昨晚还对他称兄道弟！”
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<span class="cmt-name">墨海烟云</span>
<span class="main-text">：昨晚有一哥们在我这打麻将，输光了钱，他又想捞回成本，他竟然想到了用手机做赌注！结果还是输了，苦于无奈，买了一瓶酒撒在自己的身上，说是回家骗女朋友去，原谅我这老实人说了老实话。</span>
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逛街买扎头发的皮套，老板说一块钱一个，保证结实！结果我拿手里拽了一下，断了！老板又替给我一个两块的，又拽断了，有点尴尬，就说不买了！<br/>老板急了，给我拿个三块的，又被我拽断了！最后老板红着脸大声说，你试试这五块钱一个的！<br/>尼玛！看着老板激动的样子，我没敢再拽，直接掏出五块钱买了。。。。。
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<span class="cmt-name">芦苇微微-</span>
<span class="main-text">：单身狗臂力惊人啊</span>
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和老公晚上躺床上准备休息，想着明天还有一大堆工作上的事，就感叹到：好久没享受过人生了。老公听我这样说以后，就过来解我睡衣扣子。。。我特么要表达的意思是很久没有睡到自然醒，不是要和你享受生人…
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<span id="pos-score-117992484" class="laugh-comment" data-votes="1382">1382 好笑</span>
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<span class="main-text">：憋说话了，还有力气发帖子，证明没满足啊，哀怨的睡不着，所以今天又没有享受好人生，，</span>
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以前做过的黑暗料理，拿香蕉放在炭火上烤，烤至香蕉皮发黑，取出剥皮、当剥开皮时香蕉肉冒着丝丝热气，夹起送入口中，口感是热热黏黏的、当时立马觉得自己是在吃一口热乎翔的赶脚。
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就这会，我一家人在吃饭，然后我妈说谁吃的最慢谁最后收拾碗筷，关键老妈做的红烧鱼！于是，我草草的最先吃完的，然后我妈和我爸在那里细嚼慢咽的品尝着，等爸妈吃完后，我想看下到底谁收拾碗筷，然后我爸一边剔着牙签一边说：晴晴，给你两个选择：收拾一下和被收拾一下！你选！！！！<br/>我：…………
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<div><span>女同事第一次来我家，感觉她好紧张</span></div>
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<span class="main-text">：妹子发育不错，孩子不缺奶吧？</span>
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正在用iPad看国产小电影，女朋友打电话过来，想也没想就接了。<br/>女朋友问我在干嘛，我还没来得及说话……iPad传来女主颤 抖而销 魂的声音：亲爱的，用 力……<br/>诶，亲爱的，用 力……啊 呸……啊，不是呸 你……你听我解释啊！
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网购到货。快递小哥发来信息：你的白马王子送来礼物，请到大门岗出接收。<br/>带着一丝兴奋，和期望来到大门口。左右看看，找不到熟悉的面包车和帅帅的快递小哥。<br/>墙角，电驴子三轮车上下来一位大叔，笑着说：我是新来的，负责这片送货的黑驴大叔……黑驴……大叔。
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<span class="cmt-name">相思.肾虚</span>
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小时候在村子里，村中央有一口轱辘井全村共用，大人怕我们掉进去，一直告诉我们井里有个妖怪吃小孩。<br/>我们在惧怕的同时又都很好奇，偷摸去看了几回，一直没发现妖怪，为了降妖除魔，大家决定在月圆之夜用电视里学的方法除掉妖怪，那晚，女孩子往井里吐唾液，男孩子往井里尿”童子尿”。
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<div><span>绝壁是今日最佳糗事，不信进来看看！</span></div>
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早上同事李姐资料掉地上了，对着我大喊:“微微，快帮我把资料捡起来。”<br/>我说:“怎么地？黄瓜成精了？怀孕了？”<br/>李姐说:“你没看到我今天穿了一条皮裤吗？好不容易蹬上去的，我怕蹲下来别炸线了。”
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今天宿舍在一起看神雕侠侣。有人问为啥郭襄会喜欢杨过。<br/><br/> 有人说他武功好，有人说杨过帅。<br/><br/> 这时角落里传来了一个声音，他鸟大……<br/><br/>瞬间我竟无言以对…
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