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aaasayok 提交于 2016-11-17 13:35 . joke
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祝我生日快乐吧 没有人就来这了 快乐你就不孤单
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<span id="pos-score-117991085" class="laugh-comment" data-votes="6257">6257 好笑</span>
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<div class="articleGender womenIcon">20</div>
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那年夏天,和男朋友去海边玩。<br/>他躺在沙滩上,我用沙子把他身体一点一点的埋上,只露出头来。旁边有个穿比基尼的大胸美女,男友直勾勾的盯着美女胸前一晃一晃的大白兔出神。<br/>这时,男友裆 部竟一耸一耸的顶起一小沙堆,欲破土而出......
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<span id="pos-score-117991931" class="laugh-comment" data-votes="2744">2744 好笑</span>
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<span class="cmt-name">(糗名昭著)~小翔</span>
<span class="main-text">:小蚯蚓要钻出来了!</span>
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<span class="touch-user-name-a">斜阳烟柳</span>
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<div class="articleGender womenIcon">20</div>
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小时候,我和弟弟吃西瓜狼吞虎咽的,我妈就吓我们说 : “吞了西瓜籽,将来头顶会长西瓜!”吓的我马上小心翼翼起来......弟弟听了,瞒着我妈偷偷咽了一个荔枝核,兴奋的附我耳边说 : “姐姐,将来我请你吃荔枝!”
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<span id="pos-score-117991934" class="laugh-comment" data-votes="2578">2578 好笑</span>
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<span class="cmt-name">(糗名昭著)~小翔</span>
<span class="main-text">:看来,射嘴里也不安全了</span>
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以前有个傻子,充话费冲错了,冲到我手机号了。<br/>给我打电话求我冲回去,我想无功不受禄,就答应冲回去了。<br/>结果充话费的过程,我也冲错了…
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<span id="pos-score-117992054" class="laugh-comment" data-votes="2253">2253 好笑</span>
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<span class="cmt-name">奉天承運皇帝诏曰</span>
<span class="main-text">:第一句就写错了,应该是 以前有俩傻子。。。</span>
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表哥和表嫂吵架了,原因是表哥要把宝马车给他哥们接 亲 用,表嫂要把车借给她同学结 婚 用,而且都是同一天!<br/>俩人谁也不让谁,吵到最 凶的时候,表哥的哥们打来电话才知道,新娘就是表嫂的同学。。。
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<span class="cmt-name">胖香</span>
<span class="main-text">:把表哥的宝马车借给楼主用用,,180斤的富婆诚招男朋友,,[奸笑][奸笑][奸笑]</span>
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<div><span>可能是糗百第一个破十万赞的糗事!</span></div>
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小时候,一次偷了家里两块钱买吃的,在小卖部被我爸碰个正着。一顿暴揍后,老爸问我 : “钱都锁在抽屉里,你怎么偷的?”我只好如实回答 : “我看见妈妈把钥匙藏在皮箱子底下。”<br/>第二天,我妈对我又是一顿胖揍 : “胆子越来越肥了啊,敢一次偷十二块?!”
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<span id="pos-score-117991932" class="laugh-comment" data-votes="2003">2003 好笑</span>
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<span class="main-text">:从那以后,抽屉里再也没有过零钱…</span>
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二伯是个已退休的老教师。今天,二伯的大孙子放学回来哭诉 : 我同桌上课睡觉,老师对准同桌一个粉笔头镖了下来,结果砸我头上......<br/>二伯听了,一声叹息 : “唉!现在的年轻老师太不像话了!手法咋这么差?”
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<span id="pos-score-117991933" class="laugh-comment" data-votes="1922">1922 好笑</span>
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<span class="cmt-name">墨海烟云</span>
<span class="main-text">:现在的老师太不知道珍惜,居然拿粉笔头砸学生,浪费可耻!回忆当年我睡觉时,老师都是直接脱鞋扔过来!</span>
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<span class="laugh-comment">27235 好笑</span>
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<span class="main-text">:这个女的我给十分,不怕骄傲</span>
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前些年,我因脖子上长了一个脂肪粒。人生第一次走上了手术台。当我走进手术室的时候,看到的是六七个医生齐刷刷的站在手术台前。吓得我扭头就跑!结果被迎面进来的医生拽了回来,他说:“勇敢点!这是个很小的手术!”尼玛!他是对那六七个实习生说的!依稀记得,当时的我,没打麻药就晕过去了!!!
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<span class="main-text">:六七个实习生,孔武有力,按腿的,按胳膊的分配到位,配合默契,楼主无助的躺在床上,任泪水肆意流淌,,</span>
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怎样证明老婆是威猛的<br/>和老婆打架,怕她揍我,我也舍不得真打她,抓住她的手束缚,她想挣脱束缚,俩个人在那拼命地摇!<br/>摇的我一身的虚汗,再也抽不出一丝力气,虚脱的躺到了地上<br/>而她还能弯下腰 把我抱起来 扔到床上!
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<span class="main-text">:夫妻之道贵在忍,琴瑟相和感情深。夫妻之道贵在真,袒露心声不较真。夫妻之道贵在信,情真意切心无痕。夫妻之道贵在忠,言行举止沐儿孙。夫妻之道贵在人,相扶到老不离分。</span>
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去学校后面租小黄 碟,租好夹在衣服下准备走人时,心仪已久的班花刚好走了进来,看到我在,要我介绍几张好看的碟给她。<br/>这种事当然是义不容辞,我正伸手去架子上找时,身上的小黄 碟“哗啦”一下掉了出来,我想去挡已经来不及了……<br/>班花看了一眼地上的碟 片,惊喜的说:对对对,我就要这种……
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<span class="cmt-name">巫女~<素素></span>
<span class="main-text">:特么我就不说那个班花是我,放出来的根本不是小电影,明明就是灰太狼</span>
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男友昨晚喝醉归来,我发现他钱包、手机都不见了。问他哪去了?他豪气的说 : “我兄弟有难,给他江湖救急了!”<br/>男友早上醒来,一拍大腿就骂 : “玛德!昨晚路上是遇到打劫的了,枉我昨晚还对他称兄道弟!”
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<span class="cmt-name">墨海烟云</span>
<span class="main-text">:昨晚有一哥们在我这打麻将,输光了钱,他又想捞回成本,他竟然想到了用手机做赌注!结果还是输了,苦于无奈,买了一瓶酒撒在自己的身上,说是回家骗女朋友去,原谅我这老实人说了老实话。</span>
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逛街买扎头发的皮套,老板说一块钱一个,保证结实!结果我拿手里拽了一下,断了!老板又替给我一个两块的,又拽断了,有点尴尬,就说不买了!<br/>老板急了,给我拿个三块的,又被我拽断了!最后老板红着脸大声说,你试试这五块钱一个的!<br/>尼玛!看着老板激动的样子,我没敢再拽,直接掏出五块钱买了。。。。。
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<span class="cmt-name">芦苇微微-</span>
<span class="main-text">:单身狗臂力惊人啊</span>
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和老公晚上躺床上准备休息,想着明天还有一大堆工作上的事,就感叹到:好久没享受过人生了。老公听我这样说以后,就过来解我睡衣扣子。。。我特么要表达的意思是很久没有睡到自然醒,不是要和你享受生人…
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<span id="pos-score-117992484" class="laugh-comment" data-votes="1382">1382 好笑</span>
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<span class="cmt-name">胖香</span>
<span class="main-text">:憋说话了,还有力气发帖子,证明没满足啊,哀怨的睡不着,所以今天又没有享受好人生,,</span>
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以前做过的黑暗料理,拿香蕉放在炭火上烤,烤至香蕉皮发黑,取出剥皮、当剥开皮时香蕉肉冒着丝丝热气,夹起送入口中,口感是热热黏黏的、当时立马觉得自己是在吃一口热乎翔的赶脚。
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就这会,我一家人在吃饭,然后我妈说谁吃的最慢谁最后收拾碗筷,关键老妈做的红烧鱼!于是,我草草的最先吃完的,然后我妈和我爸在那里细嚼慢咽的品尝着,等爸妈吃完后,我想看下到底谁收拾碗筷,然后我爸一边剔着牙签一边说:晴晴,给你两个选择:收拾一下和被收拾一下!你选!!!!<br/>我:…………
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<div><span>女同事第一次来我家,感觉她好紧张</span></div>
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<span class="main-text">:妹子发育不错,孩子不缺奶吧?</span>
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正在用iPad看国产小电影,女朋友打电话过来,想也没想就接了。<br/>女朋友问我在干嘛,我还没来得及说话……iPad传来女主颤 抖而销 魂的声音:亲爱的,用 力……<br/>诶,亲爱的,用 力……啊 呸……啊,不是呸 你……你听我解释啊!
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<span id="pos-score-117991944" class="laugh-comment" data-votes="1153">1153 好笑</span>
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<span class="cmt-name">胖香</span>
<span class="main-text">:别骗我,国产的有配音的?发给我看看!</span>
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网购到货。快递小哥发来信息:你的白马王子送来礼物,请到大门岗出接收。<br/>带着一丝兴奋,和期望来到大门口。左右看看,找不到熟悉的面包车和帅帅的快递小哥。<br/>墙角,电驴子三轮车上下来一位大叔,笑着说:我是新来的,负责这片送货的黑驴大叔……黑驴……大叔。
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<span id="pos-score-117991998" class="laugh-comment" data-votes="1132">1132 好笑</span>
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<span class="cmt-name">相思.肾虚</span>
<span class="main-text">:没有白马,黑驴也凑合吧!听说驴的那个好大呦?</span>
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小时候在村子里,村中央有一口轱辘井全村共用,大人怕我们掉进去,一直告诉我们井里有个妖怪吃小孩。<br/>我们在惧怕的同时又都很好奇,偷摸去看了几回,一直没发现妖怪,为了降妖除魔,大家决定在月圆之夜用电视里学的方法除掉妖怪,那晚,女孩子往井里吐唾液,男孩子往井里尿”童子尿”。
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<span id="pos-score-117991951" class="laugh-comment" data-votes="1085">1085 好笑</span>
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<span class="cmt-name">匪徒~入库</span>
<span class="main-text">:楼主村里,当晚闹鬼了,到处鬼哭狼嚎</span>
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<div><span>绝壁是今日最佳糗事,不信进来看看!</span></div>
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早上同事李姐资料掉地上了,对着我大喊:“微微,快帮我把资料捡起来。”<br/>我说:“怎么地?黄瓜成精了?怀孕了?”<br/>李姐说:“你没看到我今天穿了一条皮裤吗?好不容易蹬上去的,我怕蹲下来别炸线了。”
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今天宿舍在一起看神雕侠侣。有人问为啥郭襄会喜欢杨过。<br/><br/>  有人说他武功好,有人说杨过帅。<br/><br/>  这时角落里传来了一个声音,他鸟大……<br/><br/>瞬间我竟无言以对…
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